Writer’s Angst

Writing… is fucking hard. Yesterday I sat down to write a story
type thing for the first time in about a year. I write poetry pretty frequently but I kinda got out of the habbit of writing any type of prose. So getting back into that was a bit
of an emotional struggle for me. It was interesting because
the writing process for poetry is considerably less lengthy
than the writing process for writing a short story or novel. So on a good day I can generally crank out a poem in a few hours and
then edit it for a bit and if I’m lucky I’ll have a poem by the end of the day. But stories don’t really work like that.
There is a very long rough draft period for those kinds of things and that’s
the most stressful part for me. Like when I’m finished with
it and I’m happy with it then I am the proudest fucking
person of that piece of writing or video or whatever it is that I’m doing. But, when I’m in the rough draft process, the editing process, it’s generally a
cycle of me just hating myself. Like most writers I am a bit of a
perfectionist so when I’m in that phase of the writing process I’m just sitting there thinking, “Why does
it have to be shitty right now? Why can’t it just be good… right now?
I want it to be perfect at this very moment.” And then I end up questioning
my ability as a writer, and as a human being, and then I curl up
into a ball and cry for several hours. Like, that’s not even that far off of an exaggeration. I was kind of an emotional wreck yesterday. Like, I am not an athlete or a dancer or a singer. It’s all I have, guys. This is all I’ve got. All I have is the internet…
and my writing. That’s, that’s it. But I know I’ve given the advice to a lot of other writers, that even if
they’re not happy with what they’re writing at that point in time that they should just keep writing
because, you know, no matter what, they’re gonna improve
from that. Like, no writing is a wasted process because
you always learn something from it. And even though I give that advice to other
people it’s just so hard to take my own advice. And that’s just… it’s something I’m gonna
need to work on. So, other writers, I’m looking at you
because I know you exist. Is this a universal thing? Do you guys,
you know, feel like this? Or is this just me overthinking writing way too much? Although, I can make the argument
that one can never overthink writing. Right. Okay. See you guys later.

21 thoughts on “Writer’s Angst

  1. Before I logged onto YouTube, I thought, "Damn, I hope Marina made a video. I need a Marina video in my life." So thanks.

  2. I have never attempted to write anything longer than a short story because I know it will result in a poorly-constructed teenage novella including every cliché I know. Brrr.

  3. Yehh, I guess it is universal, I used to get stressed when I was writing music, and then I gave up, which was bad! Don't give up 😀

  4. This is me. This is me with the crying and the self-doubt and the Internet.

    Definitely blood brothers.

  5. not so much with writing, but when I'm trying to learn something new on Guitar, that sounds about right. lots of crying, self loathing, etc. except I use cat video's to get my self esteem back up

  6. …I actually cried because of how painfully relevant everything you said in this video is to my life. I don't know if it's universal, but *I* can certainly relate.

  7. All the self loathing feelings come when I write anything for the first time. All of them. And yeah, your own advice is the hardest to take but really any advice is really hard to take when all you want todo is crawl under the covers and never come out again.

  8. I remember ending up in my creative writing teacher's classroom during his planning block near tears after days of continuous writer's block. I probably looked so pathetic, but he made popcorn and we sat and he gave me advice. He said something along the lines of : "athletes become better by training and building muscle. You have to use your writing muscle (your brain) daily to get stronger and become better." It makes sense!

  9. I've sort of given up being an author as my only job. Script writing is fun, however I probably write too much stage direction and movement direction to give a director much to do… I'm always writing something, whether that's clean fanficiton which at a stretch could potentially happen in the show (so clean fanfiction, none of that scary stuff), novels, plays, songs, poems, I always try to write/work on something I'm writing everyday. It's my escape. So far in the last month and a half I've been working on a script I intend to submit to an American theatre ensemble. I'm not American, I'm still in school, but no one has told me I can't, so I am. 

  10. I think having doubt in one's writing is a universal thing, unless someone is a freak of nature and can write perfect shit right off the bat.
    Those people I envy.
    Anywho, I'm the kind of person who can't ever finish a story or even a short story because I either lose interest or if I do get far I think about the task of editing and it's like this series of pounding in my skull.
    So that's always a good time.
    But what you mentioned about all writing being a fundamental to getting better and therefore not being a waste of time really resonates within me.
    So thanks (By the way, your t-shirts are fucking swell, I love them)

  11. I have a problem with finishing…
    At the beginning I think the idea is awesome in most cases; but at some point I just get distracted with something else or a new idea. I don't think I suddenly hate what I decided to write–I just put it on the back burning forever. Yea it's a really bad habit.

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