The Writers’ Block 2-4: Murder


AURORA: No, Andrew, this is
not what we discussed. This mummy is not distressed.
This mummy is fashion-forward. Really? Because this mummy could be
walking down a runway during Fashion Week. Yes, I suppose even
mummies can be sexy. You know what, why don’t we
meet in wardrobe and discuss it? Okay, I will meet you halfway. Yes. Ugh!
DAVID: Give my love to Dorian. AURORA: Oh, don’t even start. Alright. Mommy’s going out. I’ll be back sometime. [sighs]
Do some work. DAVID: [sighs] Okay, you’re at a party
with five movies, and you’ve gotta kill
one of them over dinner. The movies are:
Planet of the Apes, Overboard,
North by Northwest, Ghostbusters,
and The Thing. MATT: Well, I’d just kill myself
and let them all live. DAVID: Very noble, but no, you’ve gotta kill
one of the movies. MATT: [sighs] I guess I’d kill
North by Northwest, ’cause it’s the least
well-known, and… then the cinephiles
would come after me. DAVID: Well, you
could go into hiding. MATT: Okay, well,
same question for you. Dinner party, murder… Um, the movies are, uh… Aliens, The Thing,
Poltergeist, Neverending Story,
Showgirls. DAVID: Oh, my God.
You’re a monster. MATT: Make your move.
DAVID: Um… Well, I’d kill The Thing,
because it was at both parties and no one should
be able to survive that. MATT: Okay, we’ll say
it wasn’t at mine. DAVID: But it was. MATT: Okay, so The Thing
isn’t at your party; it’s actually Mommy Dearest
dressed up as The Thing. DAVID: Why on Earth
would Mommy Dearest arrive dressed up as The Thing? MATT: She thought
it was a costume party. DAVID: But it’s not? MATT: No, of course not.
It’s July. DAVID: Okay, so
Aliens, Poltergeist, The Neverending Story,
Showgirls, and Mommy Dearest
dressed up as The Thing? MATT: Yes.
DAVID: And I want to make sure Mommy Dearest isn’t gonna
burst open and explode tentacles everywhere because
she actually is The Thing. MATT: No, no, Mommy Dearest
is definitely not The Thing. It’s just a costume. In fact, she takes off
the costume when she realizes it’s not a costume party. DAVID: Okay, so
Aliens, Poltergeist, The Neverending Story,
Showgirls, and Mommy Dearest
at a dinner party, in July, and one of them has to die? MATT: Yes. Welcome to Hell. DAVID: I’d choose
The Neverending Story, because it would be
the most quiet. Sort of like slaughtering
a little lamb. Which is why we need to
move the mummy attack to– yeah, to later in the episode. Hey, how are Dorian’s
mummy issues? AURORA: Dorian changed his mind
about the meeting, so we are going to
pick it up later. DAVID: Gotcha.
AURORA: Which meant that I had a ton of time to just
listen outside the door. You two are fucking impossible! MATT: We’re just taking a break. AURORA: Breaks are a luxury
we can’t afford. We don’t have time for breaks. Where are the outlines
for episodes six to nine? Where are the drafts
for the re-shoots? Everyone’s waiting
for the dolphin brief. MATT: We’re on it. AURORA: [sighs]
I’m sorry, I just… ugh! [sighs] I am sorry. I just… [sighs]
Just give me a dinner party. I can’t kill Andrew Dorian,
so let me kill a movie instead. MATT: One moment please. DAVID & MATT: [whispering] DAVID: Okay, so you’re
at a dinner party– AURORA: Yes, and I
have to kill a guest. It’s not rocket science. MATT: Alright, the
dinner party guests are, 2001: A Space Odyssey…
AURORA: Mm-hm. MATT: Eternal Sunshine
of the Spotless Mind, La Femme Nikita…
DAVID: The original French one. MATT: The Fellowship
of the Ring… DAVID: The Extended Cut.
AURORA: Mm-hm. MATT: And Grizzly Man. AURORA: I would
kill Grizzly Man, and I would frame it on
Fellowship of the Ring. MATT: You are stone-cold. AURORA: No, I’m not gonna
take the blame for that, and those hobbits would
never see it coming. DAVID: Yeah,
but Galadriel would. She’d get some sort of
a freaky premonition, and then she’d get
Legolas to take you out. AURORA: I can take her.
DAVID: Oh, really? AURORA: Mm-hm.
DAVID: What’s your elf name? AURORA: Epsillyn. DAVID: Ooh, obviously
a darkling elf. What’s your elf name?
MATT: Hm. Yawn.
DAVID: [laughs] Mine would be Duimen.
MATT: Obviously a gay elf. DAVID: Well, gay elves
are better at using magic. AURORA: Can you use
the spell of productivity to get some work done? DAVID: No. I don’t feel like working. AURORA: The Road Warrior… Rosemary’s Baby… The Incredible
Shrinking Woman… Moon… Empire Strikes Back. MATT: I think we
should get to work. AURORA: Yes! Come at me with your
shitty little lists…

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