Jamie Mortara – "Some Things You Need to Know Before Dating Me"



here are some things you need to know before dating me 1 there's a strong chance I'm only talking to you because I have reason to believe you might be a Libra – your last partner was an Aquarius and I swear I'm not holding this against you 3 sometimes I feel like I'm all the pigeons trapped inside of all of the subway tunnels in all the major cities of America 4 whoa excuse me I am NOT new agey I am a witch 5 I keep rose quartz in my left pocket for when I'm scared Black Tourmaline in my right in case of hater 6 sometimes I open up Grindr on my phone and if I haven't received a new dick pic that day I get kind of sad 7 today my therapist led me in a breathing exercise and when I exhale died suddenly remembered that I'm inside an actual human body and this terrified me so much that I burst into tears right in front of her and then canceled all future appointments 8 I have a PhD in talking to the trees at night 9 my job skills include living alone on a farm and asking horses to make my decisions for me 10 I like long walks on the beach directly into the bottom of the ocean 11 all I ever did my whole life was any Anna Jones one misery for another 12 1 the worst things you can do to me is tell me there was nothing wrong because I seemed so happy 13 yes I know I'm a chicken nugget made of crazy 14 sometimes I let my phone died and I envy it 15 this morning I woke up at 5 a.m. scarf down a whole bag of swedish fish and then passed right back out again 16 i'm not sure how much longer I can do this 17 despite my best efforts I am real 18 don't you dare try and figure me out too many people have claimed they can read me like a book and then they went and put me on a shelf 19 when the doctors put me on Prozac I suddenly didn't need to sleep anymore I remember getting up out of bed everyday before the sunrise scrambling to correct a whole life's worth of unfixed problems I knew it was mania because I signed up for a gym membership it wasn't me chugging redbull blasting Death Grips in my headphones dancing down Mass Ave smiling at everyone for no reason it scared me 20 now that I'm not in prose AK anymore my bed is once again a black hole that I cannot climb out of took me months to be here right now in front of you I can feel myself craving for that rush again you see it is too dangerous for people like me to know that kind of speed all that lightning trapped inside of my mouth I promise I promise you every day I am trying to teach my tongue how to forget how that tastes

24 thoughts on “Jamie Mortara – "Some Things You Need to Know Before Dating Me"

  1. "This morning I woke up at 5 am, scarfed down a whole bag of Swedish Fish, and then passed RIGHt back out again." I C O N I C

  2. All these years down the line, your words are still resonating and so are you! Thank you for this! 🙂

  3. damn they're cute. are scorpios close enough to libras ????????? bc I'd like to submit a boyfriend application,

  4. after almost three years this is still my favourite poem. there's just something about it I can't really put my finger on.. it moves you again every time

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