Jae Nichelle – “Friends With Benefits” @WANPOETRY (TGS 2017)


so my anxiety and I have what some
people might call a friends-with-benefits relationship we
have no love for each other but she still just like fucks with me sometimes y’know
we moved in together some years ago we have inside jokes like when I say I’ma
go talk to that person over there my anxiety looks at me and is like bitch
please my anxiety is the reason I didn’t talk to you
she’s possessive she doesn’t like me talking to other people she’s irrational
because of her I’ll take the long way to my building to avoid someone I already
passed by twice because I don’t know if it’s acceptable to say hey a third time
because of her I don’t correct people at restaurants who get my order wrong I
just eat it because you know maybe a sweet potato fries are what I wanted but
the broccoli you gave me is what I needed thank you because of her I take the long way to my building to avoid someone who kind of looked like my ex-boyfriend because
whenever I hand her the aux cord she makes sure to play back all the times he
told me no one else would ever want me because of her I still think no one else
will ever want me I constantly wonder what happens to a black girl who was too
anxious to ever feel like magic can she still fly can she still be fly with
wings that tremble can she forget the lifestyle of an ant that feeling that no
matter what she does she is in danger of being crushed and my anxiety doesn’t
like to be made into metaphors but what I’m trying to say is she is constantly
reminding me of how easy I am to crush as I speak I am pushing against her weight
on my shoulders and that is why I shake sometimes I have to fight to stand up
straight stop rocking she and I picked out this outfit together something that
drives fast if I am sweating it is because doing this poem feels like
fighting a boxing match that you can’t even see and I am determined to knock her out I have been fighting her for control of our house for
years fighting not to crack stop rocking don’t shake breathe I think the reason my
relationships don’t work out is because no one knows they’re signing up for a
threesome I understand I know how hard it is to live with both of us when we
don’t like feeling out of control when we don’t handle conflict well when we
don’t handle being yelled at well when everything you say to us will be
repeated and deconstructed and analyzed in our head a million times after and if
I am silent for a while it is because I have to fight with her before I can
fight with you I’ve tried to cut her off before I cannot we do not handle
separation well because of our parents I mean our ex I mean our friends breathe
so I guess my anxiety and I have just learned to live together
she’s the longest relationship I have ever had and as everyone leaves she is
the only relationship that I can count on

100 thoughts on “Jae Nichelle – “Friends With Benefits” @WANPOETRY (TGS 2017)

  1. see, THIS is possibly the MOST accurate representation of a person with anxiety, or how it feels like

  2. Maybe meditation would help you, or getting away from all those people who make you anxious. Try spending some time in nature with a horse or take a dog for a walk in a nice park. You don't have to be around people with problems all the time. You may need time alone meditating or reading. Other humans can be demanding and use up all your energy. Or sit by a river and just watch the water go by, notice the birds and bugs and grass. You need some alone time. Not everyone is a party person. Go and get a personality test to find out more about your personality. You may be an introvert who hangs out with people who like to party. Maybe you are more a scientist who would enjoy studying and learning about plants or biology. Find out who you are. Best to you.

  3. Ok but who else got a vibe that this reminded them of that poem by Patrick about his depression

    Still overall good tho

  4. Omfg😭😭😭😭 absolutely beautiful 😇 #breath it's extremely tough to deal but life's life.

  5. I didn't think i had anxiety but after hearing this poem and relating to almost everything she said i think i might

  6. This is one of the most realistic things I’ve ever seen.
    I’ve watched it so many times because it speaks so much truth. Anxiety is awful, I hate it so much, it’s taken so much of my life and left me broken so many times💔

  7. this is the only way i can truly describe what it’s like having anxiety then ofc you have the people who are like “jUsT cAlM dOwN”

  8. i’m in literal tears this summed everything about anxiety up perfectly. having anxiety is so mentally exhausting and people don’t realize just how exhausting it is and you’ve captured that. thank you.

  9. Woooow she is fabulous ,🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

  10. I sent this to the guy I wanna date because I thought he was ghosting me and went off on him and he was just busy and so I sent this hoping he will understand and forgive. Please, God, let him understand and forgive my craziness.

  11. I can not relate to being a woman of color and yet your words still felt like magic to me. We should all find love within our hearts to support any struggle anyone is going through regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, or whatever damage they are trying to repair within themselves. We all have a voice and we all have a right to speak our own truth. I love that you are brave enough to bite anxiety’s hand as she tries to cover your mouth and still speak yours. You are truly an inspiration ❤️✌🏻

  12. My anxiety and I have what some would call a friends with benefits relationship.
    We have no love for each other but she still just

    fucks with me sometimes you know?

    She and I moved in together some years ago.

    We have inside jokes.

    Like when I say “I’m gonna go talk to that person over there”

    my anxiety looks at me and is like “bitch, please”

    My anxiety is the reason I didn’t talk to you.

    She’s possessive.

    She doesn’t like me talking to other people.

    She’s irrational.

    Because of her

    I’ll take the long way to my building to avoid someone I’ve passed already

    Because I don’t know the limit on how many times you can say “hey–”

    Because of her

    I don’t correct servers who get my order wrong at restaurants I just eat it

    because maybe sweet potato fries are what I wanted

    But the broccoli you gave me is what I needed? Thank you.

    Because of her

    I’ll take the long the way to my building to avoid someone

    who kind of looked like my ex-boyfriend.

    Because when I hand her the aux cord,

    She makes sure to play back all the times

    He told me no one else would ever want me

    Because of her

    I still think no one else will ever want me

    I constantly wonder

    What happens to a black girl who is too anxious

    To ever feel like magic?

    can she still be fly

    with wings that tremble?

    Can she forget the lifestyle of an ant?

    The fear that no matter what she does she is in danger of being crushed

    What I’m trying to say is

    My anxiety doesn’t like to be made into metaphors

    but she is constantly reminding me of how easy I am to crush.

    As I speak,

    I am pushing against her weight on my shoulders

    and that is why I shake sometimes.

    I have to fight

    To stand up straight

    To stop rocking

    She and I picked out this outfit together. Something that dries fast.

    If I am sweating

    It is because standing on this stage

    Is like fighting a boxing match that you can’t even see

    and I am determined to knock her out.

    I’ve been fighting her for control of our house, for years.

    fighting to not crack

    Stop rocking.

    Dont shake.

    Breathe.

    I think

    the reason that my relationships don’t work out

    is because no one knows they’re signing up for a threesome

    I understand.

    I know how hard it is to live with both of us.

    When we don’t like feeling out of control.

    we don’t handle conflict well

    we don’t handle being yelled at well

    everything you say to us will be repeated and deconstructed in our head a million times after

    and if I am silent for a while,

    it is because I have to fight with her before I can fight with you.

    I have tried to cut her off before.

    I cannot.

    We do not handle separation well.

    Because of our parents,

    I mean our ex

    I mean our friends

    Breathe.

    So I guess

    My anxiety and I just learned to live together.

    She is the longest relationship I have ever had.

    She is the only relationship I can count on.

  13. Damnnn I've never seen something describe exactly how I feel so well??
    Rip to my mascara, cus it's no longer on my eyelashes after watching this…

  14. I first heard this when I got diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety disorder and depression… I listen to it all the time… Thank you for your gift girl❤️

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