Bo Burnham Reads Poetry from "Egghead" ("what.")



I'd like to do a little uh do some poems right now if that's okay just we're in the port this point of the show these poems are actually from I'm releasing this special for free so I'm gonna plug my poetry book but these are my new poems for my poetry book called egghead that will be out by the time this is airing but not by the time you guys are seated here right now so uh ah it's good they're pretty serious and it's all just sorta a tit this is sort of the lull of the show usually so I like to at this point sort of take the pressure off the audience and just read some poems and then we'll go back to the giggles so this is a poem by a dog roses or gray violets or a different shade of grey let's go chase cars me with my strange choice of adjectives you with your muscular teeth and clockwise vagina I put a chameleon on a red dildo no he blushed there we go this is the poem about beauty about self-image and about the ability to transform Martha was ugly like a shaven baboon so she wrapped herself up in a curtain cocoon and after a week she finally emerged she smelled like shit what a psycho you're incomparable like a I want to beat you to death with a blunt object I want to grab one of those high-end fashion mannequins by the ankles and bastard rib cage in I'm gonna sharpen 50 pencils bind them with the rubber bands take the Lennon in your mouth and punch the erasers or to strap you a bed of nails then strut that bit of nails to the hood of my car so I can watch you suffers we drive over speed bumps the mall parking lot during an earthquake I want you to somehow survive a terrible car crash and somehow not survive a small fender bender on the way back in the hospital thank you that's called dad this is the poem it's really a story that's meant primarily for children but I think it's got a lesson we could all learn the squares lived happily in their square houses in their square yard in their square town but then one day a family of circles moved in from the West get out of here Roundy's shouted one of the squares why said one of the circles cuz this the metaphor for racism um when I walk into a party you'd think I was one of those long straight Tetris pieces cuz everyone's just like oh yeah this guy's here finally we've been waiting for him to show up like you wait in the game forget it I mean no you had your chance right if I a million dollars I'd pay your mother to have sex with me afterwards I'd probably invest the remaining nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred ninety dollars ten dollars for sex with your mother comedy is I smell comedy well he was comedy giving off that scent and finally mid-october with leaves spilled like colored pencil shavings the streets dicing our town into neat unfair portions and me eatin that pussy baby thank you so much

31 thoughts on “Bo Burnham Reads Poetry from "Egghead" ("what.")

  1. Bo Burnham done this type of joke before (though it wasn't nearly as good).
    It was in his 2010 show "Words, Words, Words".
    He used a triangle and then a drum later. In the same damn show.

    You can find that show on Pornhub.

  2. Hi I’m on here to make friends but Idk why there’s videos popping up so often can someone please let me know if this is occurring to them or whether it is just my device playing tricks on me?

  3. Says I wanna take the pressure off the audience later… I want to beat you to death with a blunt object

  4. If you like Bo Burnham who is my favorite comedian, u will like my videos as well 4 sure. Wanna give it a chance?

  5. does anyone know a website where I can download the audio for free. And not that Audible or Audiobooks.com bullshit like an actual website where I dont have to sign-up or anything. If you find any plz hmu. Thx

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