Andrea Gibson – "Your Life" (Short Film)

♪ (music) ♪ It isn't that you don't like boys, it's that you only like boys
you want to be– David, with his jaw
carved out of the side of a cliff; Malcolm, who doesn't have secrets,
just stories he owes no one; Chris, the basketball hero with a tic, blinks 15 times when he makes a shot. You spend hours blinking in the mirror, pretending you're a star like him. Mary Levine calls you a dyke, and you don't have the language
to tell her she's wrong, and right, so you just show up to her house
promising to paint your fingernails red with what will gush from her busted face
if she ever says it again. You're in the seventh grade. You don't even know you want a girlfriend. You still believe too much
in the people who believe in Jesus to even feel that desire
through its hell threat. You just want to kick your desk
on the way to the principal's office, slouch in detention, want to cut your hair and spit out whatever
you don't want in your mouth, your own name even,
skirting around the truth. You don't yet know the boys
are building their confidence on stolen land, but you do worry the girls
might be occupied with things you will never understand,
won't ever ever be good at. You take one pretty step, and feel like you're pouring bubbles
into your own blood bath. You don't want a soft death, you want a hard life that is your life. Your life, in the locker room
that doesn't stop demanding you keep your eyes on the floor. Your life, at the prom,
where you run home in a snowstorm, chucking your last pair of heels
in a snowbank, realizing you are the only boy you ever wanted
to tear your dress off for. Your life, the first Christmas
you spend alone, the years you learn to build
your family out of scratch. Your life, when someone drags you
from a restroom by the collar of your coat. Your life, every time airport security
screams, "Pink or blue? Pink or blue?" trying to figure out what machine setting
to run you through. Choosing your life,
and how that made you into someone who now often finds it easy
to explain your gender by saying you are happiest on the road when you're not here or there,
but in between, that yellow line running
down the center of it all like a goddamn sunbeam. Your name is not a song
you will sing under your breath. Your pronouns
haven't even been invented yet. You're going to shave your head
and drive through Texas. You're going to kill your own God so you can fall in love
for the first time. They're going to keep telling you
your heartbeat is a preexisting condition. They're going to keep telling you
you are a crime of nature, and you're going to look
at all your options and choose conviction, choose to carve your own heart
out of the side of a cliff, choose to spend your whole life
telling secrets you owe no one to everyone 'til there isn't anyone who can insult you
by calling you what you are, you, holy blinking star,
you, highway streak of light, falling over and over
for your hard life, your perfect life, your sweet and beautiful life. ♪ (music) ♪

22 thoughts on “Andrea Gibson – "Your Life" (Short Film)

  1. This is so captivating! I’ve been inspired to make my own YouTube channel for my poetry and creative writing ✍️ looking for people’s feedback and views hope to see you there ! Thankyou button poetry for this 💕

  2. The “Mary Levine calls you a dyke…” line always hits me no matter how many times I listen to this poem. Wow, I have no words.

  3. You are my fav poet. All my poems melt my heart and make me want to cry tears of joy. Thank you for your beautiful talent

  4. I'm not ready to ditch faith as it is in me entirely yet, but I related to a lot of this and suddenly have a good theory why the littlest hobo theme always made me cry.

  5. I have shared and listened to this at least 10 times and I will not stop. I cannot yet express how utterly I connect with this piece. Thank you, Andrea. <3

  6. Wow this is beautiful! I came out to my mom when I was in the 7th grade! Had my first girl friend and I dated tell our senior year of high school when I asked her I thought my life was ending I got married to my first husband just a few months after that going back-and-forth on who I am and what I am my entire life since

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *