A Nice Change | Black Books | Series 2 Episode 6 | Dead Parrot


[Music] [Music] building in there noise they’re finished soon we’ll have a nice quiet Sunday Jay well just have to blank it out hi hi and I was wondering if you could do a book search for me I’m looking for a biography of Schubert so if you could just hunt it up for me ARLA or wait here what kind of coffee do you do this is a book shop we don’t do coffee oh the other book shops do coffee listen you this Schubert this book search how does it work well you know you just and it pops up we’ve a different sort of here get on your knees put your hands on the floor from where you are now to that far corner is our music section so it mixed up with aviation botany in pregnancy guides but you never know that is the kind of thing that’s gonna put customers off go and see when the noise will stop will you Wow [Applause] so what did he say he said he’s gonna break for lunch in a bit then he’s back and it’ll get worse tomorrow they wait cute seven o’clock I was off with room at IG you know thing is it’s not actually illegal to kill a building hey it’s Sunday right yes and we want to get away from the house yes why don’t we go to the park you think that suggestion really deserved the preface hey hey hey what about the cinema okay how about this bouffant Sandra Bullock plays a woman who sets up a tiny hairdressers in the trenches of the First World War No here we go here we go regression Richard Gere Flo gets to kill himself to go back into the past to rescue self as a child so he can grow up to kill himself to go back into the past and rest of himself as a child so he can grow up no must be something else what’s this blue tuned Matt Damon Ben Affleck Minnie Driver oh hey Raji Leonard blue runs a secondhand record shop with his half-wit mustachioed assistant Danny the mrs.annie pear team up with bitchy neurotic neighbor Pam things are sure to be a riot of laughs where’d they get this from I mean a child I’m demoting with idiots we have to do something yeah the usual please what’s your usual I don’t know I haven’t decided yet I quite like the idea of going in somewhere and ask him for the usual come on let’s get back he must be garnets lunch usually hey our usual place usual usual please review rule we have to do something how do we go out somewhere for Sunday lunch alright where where there’s this new place is very in the mortuary don’t do any vegetables everything’s dead animal served on little headstones why does it have to be fancy I just want sausage mash and a bit of cake left twigs fried and honey or a donkey and a coffin let’s go to that place that just chicken and things ok well what should we wear excuse me yeah what sort of place is it it’s a restaurant dressed up for dinner you can dress upside down and inside out you’re still gonna eat your spaghetti like a pig so we just go to lunch please why give us a minute I have to get my contact lenses from the flat fix her will you but Bernhard they’re building next door for two weeks it’s stay here what are you what can you do I’ll tell you what I’ll do I’ll write a letter to the council what are you gonna say I’ll say a dear council please don’t build beside us for the next two weeks yeah but if that doesn’t work yeah what are you gonna do if that doesn’t work you wanna know what I do yeah I will drink heavily and shattered you have to go away well it’s perfect really it’s a good excuse to have a holiday okay we all need a nice change will be held I’m not going look look what’s this it’s photos on my trip Mauritius well well what they’re like any holiday photographs the bunch of people stood around squinting I didn’t realize they were that fast outside the restaurant and that’s us the hotel what a transformation oh and that’s Eddie he was our map reader yeah he’s a gallery owner but he lives in Kent this is the only one of the whole group it’s probably one of the few times in my life when I’ve been truly happy I don’t know these people the only possible use this photograph would be to me would be if I was a hit man and somebody to ask me to take out Eddie the gallery owner from Trent I don’t I’m not going fine we’ll go you Stan get your head drilled to bits we are going to sunbathe read and have silly drinks on a beach beach no I want the unknown mystery strange places snakes jungle I am NOT going to spend my holiday in a snake pit shut up where’s this sign outside there must be somewhere that has jungle and beach what are you doing there anyway in the jungle where do you see how many miles you can walk in a day hate I mean you must get so dehydrated yeah well in a tight spot you can always drink your own urine yeah well what about the insects and and and how do you wash well that’s not such a big priority when you’re coughing pints of your own whiz excuse me sorry can I just click thank you perfect that’s it I’ll sort it well don’t get ripped off look it straight after lunch forgot lunch and I’m not going to Thailand you said you ain’t going anywhere dude out here and they’d Lecter to tell me they’re building around the clock so forgot your beaches and jungles well going somewhere where I can read sit and have a quiet drink so your ideal holiday would in fact be here correct so find somewhere exactly like this with a jungle Beach come on we’re never gonna find anything else here we up the sunlit island of San Tong array a tiny tropical jungle in girdle with golden sands boasting the hemispheres only English language bookshop and bar I suppose I don’t have to do and let’s go his own web site fine money you do the flight where are you going back in two minutes right better get cracking okay all right what do we need what do we need Sun cream first aid kit sunglasses cologne and yep get rid of the rubbish oh good you’re putting some stuff in thanks for helping right phrase books Travelers Cheques internet stuff music music point CD player CDs and clothes very important malaria pills alright good thinking Oh would you get the corkscrew now that’s what I call teamwork [Music] you’re done give me the ages what’s in the bag oh it’s nothing just walk away from the bag just as ice house put her in the chair we’re here to help you understand we understand that you’re ill when you’ve learned to be sensible you can have this you don’t really need these dear of course I do my slow dancing mules what about these you don’t need these I do supposing we’re invited to a yacht party by drug dealers no just one more one more one more take take something else out no contact lenses and emergency money don’t need it throw it away you show me those those and those those you can take one pair those ones really comfortable right didn’t they no wait wait show me show me those ones again these are weird are beautiful they make strong men crying train stations put them in put me well that’s your lot now Bernard have you got your passport for God’s sake of course I do actually I don’t go and get it really where is it where does anybody keep their passport building go and get it we all have to work together alright alright yep let’s just check the list to be doubles to the safety shot okay right okay 1950 style windbreaker with two-tone lining and self struck cuffs stay pressed peach slap money let’s just clothes so you’ve done the Travelers Cheques and insurance yeah burners gang is passport sunscreen yeah in Facebook’s yeah ball put the taxes done and dusted sent on all right here we come what time is the flight hmm you didn’t book the flights I’m so sorry I got distracted by there and like my pants aren’t that easy to fold it’s on the net you said yeah easy easy [Music] okay what’s the name of the site yeah I know it’s some holiday ding ding no no holiday at top holiday no no no that’s what it this bundle what you are pressing my hand Manny you must remember the name of the site we have been doing this now for five hours where did you see the name of the site in the papers which bit the Travel section which is open just there on the top isn’t it yep yep could you read the ad out from the paper to me please flies sand on Raycom I have it in my hand I wanted it to be safe I went over here swear can’t be right got it Oh Fran you’re a genius we can’t go I’ve no password you checked your desk what no oh yes notice alright sorted we’ve got a bargain better go to bed now it’s no Leafly perceived as money right I’ll get us up no you can’t be trusted I’m staying awake yeah I better keep here so it all be together can I have your bed yeah you only been liners in the kitchen that’s all under the sink Ajax yeah are you really actually gonna get in the bed Yeah right um that’s it is no it’s not for you just chuck them under the bed what’s what’s under the bed don’t we just call it the thing [Applause] come on plan attack final good come on listen there’s a slight catch hmm these are flights of my cheap four credits quite reasonable yes so that means we have to make a couple of change overs how does that work well to get to the Canaries we have to change in New Zealand what to do in France I know why don’t we just go on holiday there we could have sake at the rodeo and then go home along those sleds with the cameras we’re just refueling and then we change again that in Stansted nicely they’ve got these little trains that have no driver we’ll just be here a little while a few days in and around the airport in mostly the trains are and then it’s straight on – Sonny sent Honore go immediately to gate 4 desert weights it’s late let’s see if they do it again [Applause] [Music] [Music] this has to be the last connection it must be nearly hello is this Prague I don’t care where it is I’m not getting on another plane I think this is Miami fine I’m gonna live here and sell guns to children Honore I did I thoroughly enjoyed the four hours we spent their hearts say the flights weren’t cheap and you can’t say we didn’t spend 13 days on a plane 500 is only for 574 what kept them all 574 these little towel things let’s get a drink this might be Nairobi no it’s definitely Minsk you’re both wrong look it’s obvious he’s got all the trademark piercings hakim yoga haha the division of nine spa and will catacomb guardian lettuce where are we beef roll of three glasses of Merlot please oh don’t look at me like that it wasn’t all bad how many people can say they’ve been on a hospital riverboat yes and you can be sure that they didn’t get to perform surgery on themselves many ways of God yes it’ll be some time before I want to sacrifice another monkey let me buy your keys no I left them in the bag would you kindly unburden yourself by losing what do you mean ah well it’s just I think that my keys were in there as well were they funny isn’t it John it’s just one thing after another you’re fired Luke and after I dislodge and return your thumb I never want to see you again [Music] Johnna jump down or come down Gretchen I opted for the gradual way for me it was the thrill to recreation with you but now our association ends you have brought nothing but pain penury and strife into my days I wish you good fortune in whatever Avenue of life you assault with your presence here’s your redundancy package I’m sorry most of its inferno being wooden dollars but that’s largely offer good luck goodbye you can’t burn the place on your own somehow no I don’t accept your apology give it another 30 years and take this with you burn it what don’t come outside I am cold I’ve got chilblains tinnitus and fresh [Laughter] [Music] Manny could you look after the shop by yourself for a while sure what’s she going to do I am going on holiday [Music] [Music]

32 thoughts on “A Nice Change | Black Books | Series 2 Episode 6 | Dead Parrot

  1. When he is looking for his passport in no way looks like someone trying to find drugs they hid whilst stoned the night before. 🙂

  2. This series could never be made today, alas. It's astonishing to watch a tall White man force an ugly little shitskin mystery meat orc to his knees. Now – it's the other way around. TRAGIC.

  3. Tamsin has a unique beauty that spews confidence and an inner shining . I googled her on this day(July 3rd, 2018), she's still got it .

  4. Bernard seems to have issues with making text fit on the space given. The blackboard in this episode reads:
    "No Chatting
    No Smiling
    ABSOLUTE
    SILEN(e"
    Which was the same thing he did with his nametag earlier in this season when he wrote "BERN" with the (ard) all smooshed at the end.

    Great set of rules, by the way. Not to mention the irony of demanding absolute silence in this episode in particular.

  5. While they were searching for a movie to watch @3:00 Bernard spots a film in the paper starring Ben Affleck, Matt Damon and Minnie Driver, one of them owns a second-hand record shop and the girl is his neurotic next door neighbour… so Bernard says where do they get this rubbish from? LOL

  6. Jungle conclusions…. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/threelly-ai-for-youtube/dfohlnjmjiipcppekkbhbabjbnikkibo

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