A Little Flutter | Black Books | Season 3 Episode 4 | Dead Parrot


[Music] better find it it’s nearly uncut what’s on it come on you’re happy you’re happy now excuse your goddamn books hey mister you got anything on armories weaponry that kind of thing that you’re history is on you’re right I don’t want your little history grano I want modern warfare infrared fallout kill zones military history is on your right if you need any help just fire a couple of rounds into the ceiling [Music] thirty pounds hey that’s expensive will you shut up and pay the Scotch man what come on it’s Grandmaster thing look just bend your pocket money on filthy gambling it’s not really gambling Berlin it’s a grand national it’s a moment when the whole nation comes together like the opening of a Richard Curtis movie or ere the manhunt for a serial killer got a runner reach your inner space and I’m here Schmidt come on come on over they go come on boy girl or whatever you are Bali fell fall where are they give him some oats and then sweeten them in the head but yours is still in you put our money on the circus of death you disgust me [Applause] Burnet you came second but i put on an each-way bet so that means you still win i win how much well who’s he I was 12 to 1 Viktor was an innovation about 50 how do i collectors you have to take the setback that’s a great your winnings I’ll do it every night all right listen [Applause] all I need is some kind of system there’s any one system bet lose borrow steal lose take the drugs lose prison death don’t get pious you started me off sure that’s just a flutter this is Satan’s bingo well I was born to win oh yeah all right heads or tears okay yeah I’ll give you that one tears all right you had two kisses from Lady Luck now he’s gonna spin around knee you in the Rattlers yeah but sooner or later I’ll run out of money trying to be got a pound no weights money I’ve got to get myself a new outfit for my job interview yeah I’m feeling good I’m feeling confident I’m gonna get this job don’t know why you’re even bothering going you don’t stand a chance nobody would employ you because you’re unemployable I’d like to help you but I can’t because you’re so totally useless well you could have actually you couldn’t let me do a couple of days here then I can tell them I’m currently working which always looks better yeah and we could work together and be fun yeah yeah we could read glossy magazines and speculate about famous people sexuality this place is already riddled with life is sucking parasites give me a job just till the interview no Fran he’s changed he’s on the gee-gees now Bernhard I bet you 20 quid I’m so hopeless I never get another job ever I’ll give you a job [Music] colleague co-worker right you keep an eye on her and you keep an eye on him I’ve got a universe to master the bosses away it gets even better so where what you see on TV last night didn’t watch it don’t watch much TV what about you no one much on Dixey well within two year old Jeremy disease please my I have a bet on Via Appia in the Link field race at 3:30 this afternoon thank you I will bet ten pounds that this horse wins here is my 10 pounds I hope wins yours faithfully [Laughter] now this is the desk and this is the chair I know now I thought I only dropped this is the till and this stays on the desk chair remains next to the desk stop this is a woman who ran her own business for years now come on there’s work to do you’re keen I like that but wait this is the book now when we make a sale it goes in the book the title goes here the cost goes here and at the end of the day we add up where’s the running total yep well you don’t need a running total we’ll keep a running total there’s no column for it yes there is [Music] yes yes yes yes yes yes [Applause] I’m done hmm no it’s good that’s it I can’t leave this cake so you almost took anything on own natural in the five o’clock no Chad Carlos why can’t you lose that loves the soft the jockey doesn’t need anything but minted bees for a month I’m trying to put his house on the rose on a trail in the five o’clock that’s a hundred to one what no no no no whit chilsen um French Pie and I know you think I’ve made the right decision because you couldn’t be that look wryly amused and not so faintly disgusted and depressed you should have listened still no big thing nobody can speak unless they’re holding this pencil have the pencil please I wish to speak no now it has come to my attention this morning while reviewing my portfolio that I cannot afford to pay to employees drastic situation so what I’m prepared to do is you can have a week in which to sell as many books as possible and whoever sells the most gets to keep the one job I am offering the most important point is whenever you see me I really can’t stress this enough you give me immediately Oh I saw it first the bitch is mine hi can I help I’m just looking for a light holiday read perhaps these may appeal browse me [Applause] [Music] you [Music] now burn it burn it is my job interview tomorrow so we have to shut the shop it’s not fair if Manny can sell books when I’m out objection upheld books must be sold money made your toast t o– e a r s t toast all yours what’s the next race that’s none which I’ll see now I can’t stop now from winning come on we’ll make our own race you against Pat three times in the car park I’ll put 60 quid I know you looking at be blown always assignment it just when you break your streak don’t play poker hmm no no I can remember Alto no like shine there’s a game on some more awarded really where near far right just around the corner you know Dante’s minicams yeah it’s big money damn I’ll see you that who knows how to play poke me good good you’re gonna teach me I’ve got I’ve got a twelve hours to learn who’s got a deck of cards me I’ve got an old pack of my room good you can play as well who’s doing nothing me good great you can go and fetch the cards and then I have spoken okay the first thing about pay wait voice not we need whiskey like in the movies and background jazz you mister going whiskey Jess I’ve got a seven a – two queens and a nine well I’ve got this I’m the king Anna – amber seven and mrs. Bundy Becker’s wife [Laughter] okay we’ll say mrs. bun is another ace for now I will know I win I’ve got three of a kind what’s that it goes like this a pair two pair three of a kind I run a flush a full house four of a kind straight flush royal flush how do you know all of us my granddad taught me then my granny taught me how to cheat before she got shot in Reno show me ups to record it’s not you have to rig the deck [Music] yeah well that’s easy a lot and [Music] [Music] [Music] in your car everyone this is Bernard Bernard this is everyone this is Mickey one icewine Undertaker Jones Lilly the dazzla Thompson Jimmy the illustrated blind solid silver bitch stuck a Papa lips the third and this here is Dave malsu Smith stealers choice would play Lebanese a Southern Cross forty eight of the anti five two two is a wild snow raisin before the button I don’t want any showboating coffee house in no are two straws minimum three aces to start minima bet one tongue let’s play Martin I don’t know if I’m ready for that sir alright just make sure I can see your cards and then I’ll tell you what the bet would you thanks so much got again ah did you win or lose it’s hard to say alright have you got more money or less money that’s complicated got no money yeah what is the problem no problem if you want to put on a bet of 1 pound that’s fine I’ll be glad to accept that fate as soon as you can find the other 93 P up berlet next game three o’clock today no forget it I’m cleaned oh that’s no big thing why don’t when it’s my office we’ll have a diet yogurts and there W the thing is mate you need a bankroll yeah cuz I had some good cards you know just not in the right hand or in the right order your moves were amazing you kept on losing but you kept on going and that’s what makes a gambler like crab was good you know they had a nickname for you as soon as your left great mmm usually it takes you this what like Taksim Darko no they call you the gold mine now Bernard I can help you but I need some cover yeah well I don’t have a car or anything weld you have any stock no or business concerned no a shop would would a shop – well soon as it’s you sign there how much should I borrow like thousand or ten thousand more or to get out the clothes oh sorry why aren’t you selling any boots my head will explode if we do you know what burn is done onion he’s prey this off against each other to feed his filthy habit alright that was a job interview oh um brilliant staying awake till 8:00 a.m. drinking whiskey and teaching poker was not strictly tactical I fell asleep in the lobby yeah well at least you didn’t punch anyone and puke up in your handbag [Music] okay cold ground so what did you go big boy these ones they don’t be a full our sizes ourselves you haven’t no no I can you just drop me another hundred two nests of birds no you’re out of the game now bird you’ve got six hours to pay so if the Tanger hand plus 100 percent interest that’s 20 or you sharp all your legs [Music] you know what happened don’t you you’ll come in and he’ll say Fran Manny hit me oh you mean trouble you in some kind of trouble yeah yeah I have to find a 20 grand in the next six hours or get evicted from my shop or my legs just for now we’ll just think well think happy now we found it again look mister I don’t like this book I want a refund no go away we’re closed bugger off back to Australia what am I gonna do Manny you still have those funny-looking sunglasses you got in Whitstable yeah they’re in the bathroom do you think they’re funny looking I’m home can be made homeless and short and you’re chatting everything’s gonna be fine okay a vo English bookies be happy now all day long and madame tussauds I missed the action I missed the action Yetta Yetta what’s this this is no good what is this with the tiny televisions let’s just go someplace we can play cards oh you want to play cards for you lose that come on I saw the Tao I saw that goddamn Queen sorry I couldn’t help overhearing now I don’t know if you’re interested but there is a little game on this afternoon anything anything to make him shut up mister could I sit in I want to make sure he doesn’t move pretty much hundred grand here a hundred grand there it adds up over [Music] okay you can have this on one condition you never gamble again okay I won’t i won’t give give you must swear from now on you will need a wholesome life you will stick to a modest range of breakfast wines at table you will use at least a knife and a fork and your hand will fondle not card nor dice nor the gelding okay I swear I swear now can you come on I’ve got about 20 minutes for I’m scratching my stumps in a cardboard box can I just say you were fantastic back there really when I said what’s that big famous quark by the river and you say and I said yeah yeah you know big bill yeah hey and you don’t blow it okay just act casual they don’t call me the gold mine for nothing nineteen thousand nine hundred and eighty twenty thousand to fall there what was he going to offer oh I broke my streak good-looking horse look out for it was it cold hmm Oh what was it big bill [Music]

27 thoughts on “A Little Flutter | Black Books | Season 3 Episode 4 | Dead Parrot

  1. There are a couple of nice moments in this episode, but it relied on a pretty tired sitcom premise. If this had been a first series show as opposed to third, with the three principals not yet fully fleshed out and less audience devotion/affection, the suspension of disbelief would have been more difficult. For example, why's Fran desperate for job when she's such a hustler? Plus, the unctuous baddie doesn't get any kind of comeuppance.

  2. Manny and Fran hanging out without Bernard were exactly like George and Elaine hanging out without Jerry in Seinfeld.

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